Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
