some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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