did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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