I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
