he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
