bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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