I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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