All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
