that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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