you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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