he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
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forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
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I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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