that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
