Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
