i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The air taste purple.
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