New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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