your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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