After last night, I could never be a politician.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
