I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
