remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
