You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Two words: nipple clamps
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
