If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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