It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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