Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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