I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
