im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
