You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
