can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
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Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
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eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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