dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
