remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
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So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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