I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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