I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
