why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
