i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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