i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
