But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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