Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
