Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
