our cab driver is having phone sex.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
