If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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