i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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