1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize