i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
