You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
