Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
