I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
