I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
