I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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