I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
