stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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