did you get engaged???
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Randomize
