I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
