i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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