i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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