Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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