I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize