Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
