Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
