Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
