hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize