I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
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we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?